Hidden Ink Read online

  “I’m dirty, Hailey. I have blood on my hands that I’ll never wash off. No matter how many times I told the shrinks after I got out, they didn’t understand. The only ones that do are the ones that were over there with me.” He stopped pacing and met her gaze. “But out of all the men I went over there with, the only one that came back was Jason. And you saw him. He’s what I should be.”

  “Don’t say that. You know you’re not supposed to be that shadow.”

  He shook his head and let out a shout. “I damn well should. I lost everyone but Jason over there, and fuck it, I lost Jason there, too. He didn’t come back whole, no one did, but for some reason I came back with more than I should. How could I? That roadside bomb wiped out my unit. Fucking burned them to a crisp and I was forced to listen to it, to watch it. I almost bled out and burned with them, but I didn’t. Instead, I have to walk in this world every damn day knowing I’m not good enough. No matter what I do, I’ll never be worth it. I’ll have never earned my life. Jason didn’t die that day either, yet he left more on the field than I did.”

  “Sloane.” Tears slid down her cheeks, but he didn’t wipe them away like he normally would have. If he did, he’d break, and he was already shattered as it was.

  “Yes, I have PTSD. That doesn’t go away with the love of a good woman, with the ability to see that I have it. It’s never going to go away, Hailey. I might be able to look like I’m normal on most days, but sometimes I’m going to freak the fuck out. Sometimes I’m going to have nightmares. Sometimes I’m not going to be okay. How is that good enough for you? How can you stand to be with me knowing I’m not whole? I came home. Others didn’t. My friends had to die for me to be able to stand here in front of you. They were the ones that didn’t make it and yet because they died, I lived. I was able to make it out and yet their families will never know how much they meant to me.”

  She choked out a sob. “I’m not normal, Sloane. I’m sure as hell not whole. You said yourself I was more than my scars, and yet you don’t think you are as well? Scars aren’t just the ones on our skin, aren’t just what we can see when we look in the mirror. I know I have them inside, on my heart, on my soul. I know you have them, too. And I’m fine with it. I love the man in front of me, scars and all. Can’t you love him, too?”

  “I’ll taint you,” he whispered.

  “You can’t, Sloane. Just love me. Love is enough to get us started. We can talk to someone if we need to, but love is enough. It doesn’t heal all wounds, doesn’t make the past go away. It doesn’t heal our scars, doesn’t erase the pain, but it does make it worth it. With you, I know I’m okay. I know I’m loved. Even if you haven’t said it.”

  He let out a breath then stepped toward her. She cupped his face with one hand, the other on the blanket before he cupped her face instead. When she wiped the tears from his face he hadn’t known had fallen, he closed his eyes.

  “I love you, Hailey. I love all of you, every breath of you, every ounce of your soul. But I’m not worthy of you.”

  “You’re a fool, but I love you, too, Sloane. And you don’t get to decide if you’re worthy of me. That’s not how love works. You don’t get to walk away from me, leave me bleeding and in agony because you’re afraid to hurt me. You hurt me anyway, trying to protect me, and I’m not going to let you do that again. You hear me? If you want to leave me, then you do it without lying to me. You do it by saying you don’t love me and you don’t want me.”

  He opened his eyes and cursed. “I love you, Hailey. I just damn well said it. Of course, I want you. I can’t breathe with wanting you.”

  “Then let that be enough. We can do anything, Sloane. But we have to be together to persevere. You’re a good man, Sloane Gordon. I saw you with Jason. I saw you try to help and know you could only do so much. Don’t become him, Sloane. Help him, but don’t let his pain take away what you have. Don’t fade into the shadows because you feel you should. Step into the light because of those you lost. Show them that their loss was worth it. Show the world that you made it and you live for them, not in spite of them.”

  Jesus, he loved this woman. She saw into the heart of him and yet he’d almost lost it all because he was so scared.

  “I love you, Hails. I pushed you away before I had you, then did again because I was scared.”

  “Don’t do it again,” she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks in earnest. He wiped them away with his thumbs.

  “I fucked up.”

  “Yeah, you did,” she said honestly.

  He snorted.

  “Don’t do it again. You don’t get to push me away because you’re scared.”

  He kissed her then, softly, with everything he had within himself. She kissed him back, and he fell that much more in love with her.

  He pulled away and traced one finger down her side and under her breast. “Don’t hide from me either. I know you haven’t, but…”

  “But I might. Because it’s scary. I know.” She kissed his chest. “I promise to be open.”

  “I’ll never leave you again,” he said softly.

  “I want to believe that,” she whispered. “So prove it to me, Sloane. Every day. Prove it to me.”

  “Be with me. We’ve hidden everything else in the past, but I’m all me now. You’re all you. We’re bare. You got it? You’re mine. I fucked up, but I’m not doing it again. I’m going to have you every way I can and I’m not letting go.”

  She smiled softly and nodded. “We’ve wasted too many years because we were scared. I’m not going to waste any more.”

  He kissed her then, this time deeper. “I love you, Hails.”

  “I love you, too. Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day.”

  He frowned and thought about the day before letting out a rough chuckle. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

  She let the blanket fall from her fingers and he let out a groan. He hadn’t allowed himself to look at her fully before, but now he took her all in. When she licked her lips, he had to have her.

  He crushed his mouth to hers even as she tugged on his shirt. Soon they were stripped down, pressing their bodies together as tightly as possible, hands roaming and grasping. He pulled out a condom from his discarded pants pocket and let her slide it over him. The act almost made him come, but he held strong. Barely. He moved her toward the front door and gripped her thighs.

  “I’ve wanted to fuck you hard against a door since the first time,” he growled.

  She bit his lip and opened for him. When he slid inside oh-so-slowly, they both moaned.

  “Is it still fucking when we love each other? Or is it making love?” Her nails dug into his shoulder and he slowly pumped in and out of her.

  “I know it’s making love when it’s slow.” He sped up. “When it’s going fast,”—he pounded into her—“when it’s me fucking you hard. It’s fucking, loving, and everything in between.”

  She bit into her lip and rode him even as he fucked her into the door, their bodies sweat-slick and their moans rising. When her cunt clamped around him and her eyes darkened, he slammed into her, coming hard with her. He kissed her lips, his body shaking. She kissed him back.

  “Love you, Hails. All of you.” He wrapped his arms around her, knowing he’d have to take them down to the floor soon before his legs gave out.

  She nipped at his chin, her hands lazily skimming his back. “Love you, too, Sloane. You’re my broody, bearded, inked man. What more could I want?”

  With her in his arms, in his heart, he knew the answer. Life. And she was it. He wouldn’t run from her anymore. He couldn’t. She’d seen the heart of him and hadn’t run, hadn’t shied away.

  He’d been wrong before, but now he was all too right.

  He had his life, his future in his arms.

  He didn’t need anything else.

  He’d found his future in the one person he’d hidden from.

  He’d found his Hailey.

  Epilogue

  Hailey winced as the needle dug in
to her skin, but she didn’t call out. Tattoos were not for wimps, that was for sure. Yeah, the nice adrenaline rush that came from long-term sessions under the needle were nice, but hell, it hurt.

  But it would be worth it in the end.

  Plus, her tattoo artist was sexy as hell and pretty damn gentle, all things considered.

  They were on the final session for her ink and she had the routine down by now. Sloane had curtained off his station so it was only the two of them, though she’d allowed Autumn, Maya, Callie, and even Austin to come in and look. The latter hadn’t made Sloane happy at first, but he’d relented. They’d wanted to make sure she had support during not only the long and painful sessions but also during the emotional waves that came with it.

  Sloane wasn’t tattooing nipples on her skin.

  He was tattooing memories.

  With each new detail, she saw the strength she’d needed, saw the pain and agony she’d faced, saw the tears she’d let fall. It wasn’t easy to let the others see what had become of her chest, but they hadn’t treated her any differently. She wasn’t made of glass, but of hardcore power and woman.

  And that she was okay with.

  They’d embarked on a journey she hadn’t thought possible. She’d hidden her scars, her past from him, from the world, and yet now, everything was out in the open and she didn’t feel any less.

  In fact, she felt like she had more.

  Every time she looked in the mirror now, she wouldn’t see a survivor—but a woman with a future, a woman with a past, a woman with a man she loved who’d inked her skin with such tender care, she knew he’d put part of himself into each stroke.

  “It’s magnificent,” Maya said softly, unlike how the other woman usually spoke. Of course, Maya was going through her own hell right then—not that she’d talk about it with Hailey. Now that Hailey had found her future, though, she knew she was steady enough to help Maya. If and when the other woman let her in, she’d be there for her.

  “I do good ink,” Sloane said simply as he finished up part of the color shading on the inside of the trunk.

  She winced when he went over the same area for the fourth time, but didn’t call out. She was getting the hang of this tattoo thing. Maybe next time she’d go a bit smaller, though.

  “You do better than good ink,” Maya said. “It’s a fucking masterpiece. I have to say I was a bit jealous at first that he was the one to do this for you, but hell, I don’t think I could have done this justice. Not in the way he’s doing it.”

  Hailey let a single tear fall. “He’s amazing.”

  “I am,” Sloane said with a smile.

  Maya snorted. “He’s putting his love for you in the ink, so yeah, it’s perfect. I can’t wait to see it when it’s all healed.” She leaned down and brushed a kiss to Hailey’s temple, surprising them both. “I’ll leave you two alone for the last bit. Thanks for letting me watch.”

  Hailey frowned as the other woman left them, but Sloane clucked his tongue. “When Maya is ready to talk, she will.” He wiped down Hailey’s side, then patted her thigh. “I’m all done, baby. I don’t want you to stand yet since I want you to drink some juice first, but I can bring the mirror over.”

  She smiled and held out her hand. “Kiss me before you do. I want your lips on mine before I look.”

  Sloane moved around to the front of the bench then lowered his head to hers. She kept her eyes open so she could watch his face.

  “I love you, Sloane. Every inch of you.”

  “Same goes, Hails. Same goes. Love you, baby.”

  She’d look at her new tattoo in full later when she could breathe, but first she’d look at the man she’d fallen for, the man who had fallen for her.

  Hailey had been so scared to move forward with him, so scared to do more than survive, but now, with Sloane in her life and her own head on straight, she had more than she could ever hope for.

  The two of them had been through their own hells and had come out the other side stronger than ever—scarred, broken, but alive.

  They’d hidden their pasts, yet opened up to one another to ensure that they’d move on together. Her ink would be hidden from most, but not from him, not from the man she loved.

  He was inked on her skin, on her soul, on her heart.

  He was hers.

  Forever.

  * * * *

  Also from 1001 Dark Nights and Carrie Ann Ryan, discover Wicked Wolf: A Redwood Pack Novella.

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  The war between the Redwood Pack and the Centrals is one of wolf legend. Gina Eaton lost both of her parents when a member of their Pack betrayed them. Adopted by the Alpha of the Pack as a child, Gina grew up within the royal family to become an enforcer and protector of her den. She’s always known fate can be a tricky and deceitful entity, but when she finds the one man that could be her mate, she might throw caution to the wind and follow the path set out for her, rather than forging one of her own.

  Quinn Weston’s mate walked out on him five years ago, severing their bond in the most brutal fashion. She not only left him a shattered shadow of himself, but their newborn son as well. Now, as the lieutenant of the Talon Pack’s Alpha, he puts his whole being into two things: the safety of his Pack and his son.

  When the two Alphas put Gina and Quinn together to find a way to ensure their treaties remain strong, fate has a plan of its own. Neither knows what will come of the Pack’s alliance, let alone one between
the two of them. The past paved their paths in blood and heartache, but it will take the strength of a promise and iron will to find their future.

  * * * *

  There were times to drool over a sexy wolf.

  Sitting in the middle of a war room disguised as a board meeting was not one of those times.

  Gina Jamenson did her best not to stare at the dark-haired, dark-eyed man across the room. The hint of ink peeking out from under his shirt made her want to pant. She loved ink and this wolf clearly had a lot of it. Her own wolf within nudged at her, a soft brush beneath her skin, but she ignored her. When her wolf whimpered, Gina promised herself that she’d go on a long run in the forest later. She didn’t understand why her wolf was acting like this, but she’d deal with it when she was in a better place. She just couldn’t let her wolf have control right then—even for a man such as the gorgeous specimen a mere ten feet from her.

  Today was more important than the wants and feelings of a half wolf, half witch hybrid.

  Today was the start of a new beginning.

  At least that’s what her dad had told her.

  Considering her father was also the Alpha of the Redwood Pack, he would be in the know. She’d been adopted into the family when she’d been a young girl. A rogue wolf during the war had killed her parents, setting off a long line of events that had changed her life.

  As it was, Gina wasn’t quite sure how she’d ended up in the meeting between the two Packs, the Redwoods and the Talons. Sure, the Packs had met before over the past fifteen years of their treaty, but this meeting seemed different.