From Breath and Ruin: An Elements of Five Romance Read online

  Differentials? Not so much.

  I held back a shiver at that thought and pushed myself into my second mile. I wasn’t going to do any more than that today since I wanted breakfast, and I figured that most of the strain from my dreams was now gone. But I thought I might go out again later in the day after the hottest part of the afternoon for another run. Increments worked best for me and my attention span.

  I thought I caught a shadow out of the corner of my eye, but as I whipped my head to look at it, nearly tripping over my own feet as I did, I figured it was just my hair and a trick of the light. I wasn’t seeing shadows outside of dreams. I wasn’t.

  I just needed to get those weird thoughts and remnants out of my head and start my day off better.

  My parents hadn’t been awake when I left for my jog, but thanks to the note I placed by the coffee machine, they’d know I was out of the house. I might be an adult, but I was still their child and living under their roof. There were rules to be followed, a curfew to be kept, and manners to be upheld. I didn’t know how I was going to handle living outside of their rules when I went to the dorms, but I also didn’t think I’d be the type to go crazy like so many of the stories I’d heard growing up. I didn’t want to flunk out of college when I hadn’t even chosen my major yet. And I sure as heck didn’t want to end up drinking the whole time and wind up with a minor in possession misdemeanor or something that would forever stain my record.

  No, thank you, evil temptation and all.

  By the time I got home, my parents were off to work, but I knew I’d see them for dinner. My best friend Braelynn, and my ex-girlfriend/friend Emory were coming over to eat with us, and I knew my parents were excited to see what the other two ladies planned for college. In Mom’s and Dad’s way of thinking, if I knew what others were doing, it would push me to make a decision. The problem was, the more they pressured me, the more I wanted to hide in my shell like a turtle and not make a choice at all.

  The dream came back to me, and I tried not to frown as I poured myself some juice and put two slices of bread into the toaster. Just because I was once again having weird dreams that I tried to make sense of, didn’t mean they actually meant anything.

  I had more to do today than think about nightmares that didn’t mean anything more than I needed to watch what I ate before bed. Sure, it was summer, and I was between jobs since the coffee shop I had been working at shut down unexpectedly, but I had other things in my life. Like that whole deciding what I wanted to do with my life thing.

  But first, I would focus on my friends and the certain impending doom from the conversation that would surely happen over mashed potatoes and roasted chicken tonight.

  * * *

  Oddly enough, I wasn’t lulled into a sense of security once my parents came home and didn’t once mention school or my future. I knew the talk was coming, but they were giving me time to drop my defenses so they could pounce.

  I didn’t know why I kept floundering whenever it came to making a decision about majors and life choices, but the enormity of it just seemed overwhelming. I was eighteen, an adult who could fight and die in wars, but I couldn’t drink. I could buy cigarettes and vote, but I was still technically a teenager.

  Having to make a huge life choice when all I really wanted to do was explore and learn and find out what suited me felt so far out of my depth, it wasn’t funny. I knew thousands upon thousands of people did it every year, and many of them even went in not knowing exactly what they wanted to do—but they still had an idea.

  Me? I knew what I loved, but I also knew that love wouldn’t pay the bills. At least that’s what I’d been told. And, frankly, I sort of believed it.

  My mind had always been full of dreams and layers upon layers of vivid imagery my imagination would tumble over and over. I loved putting those visions into work, at least in my mind. Picking a major that worked with that, wasn’t something my parents were going to go for. The idea of doing it all on my own, or choosing a major and finding out that I wasn’t really good at it or didn’t like it anymore was just too much.

  It was all too much.

  I saw another shadow out of the corner of my eye, and I turned, trying to catch it, only to see my father staring at me instead. His eyes were wide since I’d moved so fast, clearly startled.

  “Whoa there, Lyric. Didn’t mean to scare you.” I looked like a perfect mix of my parents, something that I’d never truly noticed until I got older. I had my mom’s blond hair and height, but my dad’s light brown eyes. Everything else was a complete mix of the two, and I’d always loved that I knew where I came from, despite not knowing where I was going.

  Dad continued. “I was just wondering when Braelynn and Emory would be here.” Dad didn’t particularly like Emory. Not because she was gay, and I was bisexual—that part he was totally on board with, and I knew I had the best parents for that part of my life—no, he didn’t like her because she was my ex. He didn’t get how we could still be friends after she’d dumped me. Frankly, I didn’t understand it either. Sometimes, I felt like our friendship was fraying on the edges, but I didn’t think that had to do with our breakup. We were just finding out we were two different people, and everyone was moving on to college anyway. It sucked, and I didn’t know how I felt about it. I never did, really, when it came to Emory.

  That explanation hadn’t been good enough for Dad. I still didn’t know how my mother felt about it since she was so good at hiding it, but she at least put on a better face.

  “They’ll be here soon.” The doorbell rang, and I grinned. “And there they are.”

  Dad nodded and moved out of the way so I could make it to the door before Mom did. My parents were great, but they were parents and liked to know exactly what my friends were doing at all times, even if it wasn’t their business. I was pretty sure all parents were wired that way, and I’d learned to deal with it.

  Braelynn smiled widely at me, her shoulder-length black hair up in a ponytail so I could see the honey highlights she’d put in on the lower layers. Her moms hated it, and Emory called her a skunk, but I loved them.

  “Yay for dinner. I brought rolls.” Braelynn held up a basket, and I moved back to let her in, knowing that Emory was right behind my friend.

  “Yay rolls! I know Mom will be happy since you and your moms make like the best bread ever.”

  “Totally true. I do have the best moms.” Braelynn winked and handed over the basket as Emory sauntered in. Why she had to saunter, I didn’t know, but whatever worked for her.

  “I’m starving,” Emory said in way of greeting before leaning down to buss a kiss on my cheek. She’d done that before we began dating and hadn’t stopped. Since I didn’t care either way, I didn’t push her off. Once I started to care and put up those boundaries, she’d stop. That was who she was.

  “I’m hungry, too,” I said. “Hi, Emory.”

  Emory studied my face and frowned. “You didn’t sleep.”

  I tried to school my features, but I knew I wasn’t good at it. “I’m fine. Let’s go finish setting the table.”

  “Hmm.” That was all she said as she made her way into the dining room, saying hello to my parents as if she hadn’t broken part of my heart and left me wondering what I’d done.

  And…I had no idea where that thought had come from. Maybe I really needed more sleep and fewer dreams about random shadows, seasons, and elements messing with my head.

  By the time we were all seated at the table, Braelynn’s rolls like manna to us all, I was on edge since Emory kept studying me. I didn’t know why, and it bugged me because I knew this dinner would only get worse when my parents brought up the dreaded subject of majors.

  They always did, and I knew there was nothing I could do about it other than choose a freaking major. But I didn’t want to make the wrong choice.

  I couldn’t make the wrong choice.

  “So, Emory, what did you decide to study again?” Mom asked, not even trying to be subtle.

  Here we go.

  Emory shrugged. “Photography with a minor in history. I want to work for the AP or something, going around the world, taking photos of the people left behind in war and strife.”

  My parents nodded as if they totally understood and not just because they were happy Emory had chosen a direction for her life. It didn’t matter that it was dangerous and could end up being a career that didn’t keep her financially set, Emory wasn’t their daughter.

  “And, Braelynn?”

  My best friend smiled sweetly. She was always so sweet, so gentle. I loved her to the end of the world and back and knew I’d chosen well on that first day of preschool when we shared our blocks.

  “Vet school, eventually. I know it’s going to be hard, but it’s my passion.”

  I winced at that word. Passion.

  I didn’t have that, not that I could tell anyway. How was I supposed to know what to do when I still had so much to learn? I tried not to let any of those thoughts cross my face, however, because my parents turned to me, expectant looks on their faces.

  They loved me. They truly did.

  But they didn’t understand me.

  And the thing was, I wasn’t so sure I understood myself.

  Chapter Three

  “So, that was awkward,” Emory said as she kicked a rock down the street.

  “Tell me about it. At least it wasn’t your parents.” I sighed. Braelynn shifted over on the sidewalk so she walked between Emory and me. I wasn’t even sure Braelynn was conscious of the act since she was so good at mediating situations and tension with just her mere presence. At least that’s what I’d overheard Mom say to Dad once. When I thought about it, I totally agreed.

  “Your mom and dad mean well—” Braelynn began, but Emory cut her
off.

  “Oh, stop it. They aren’t even here. You don’t have to defend them. Your nose is already brown enough.”

  “Shut up, Emory,” I snapped. “She’s just trying to help.”

  “Then she should stop lying for them. Jesus.” Emory folded her arms over her chest, and I held back a sigh. This was why it was hard to be friends with Emory. Her temper got the better of her, and she said things she later claimed she didn’t mean. Though I was never truly sure I believed her when she apologized for it.

  And those apologies were few and far between.

  I ignored the weird feeling in my gut that told me that, no matter what choices I made when it came to my future, Emory might not be in it. Then I wrapped my arm around Braelynn’s shoulders and pulled her in.

  “I know Mom and Dad mean well, but that doesn’t make it okay. Or, maybe it does, and I need to grow up and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

  “The fact you’re going to college at all is a step. You’ve always been good at so many things and liked doing them. You aren’t like me, who decided when I was seven and playing with my dolls and the neighbor’s puppy that I wanted to be a vet. That’s a little kid dream that I never grew out of.”

  “And you’re going to rock as a vet. Me, on the other hand? I’m going to end up living with my parents until the ripe old age of forty when they finally kick me out.”

  “I’ll let you have my basement before that happens,” Braelynn said with a laugh.

  Emory rolled her eyes, and I glared over at her. She didn’t like Braelynn, and I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Fortunately—or fortunately for them, I guess—they wouldn’t be together much longer. It sucked, but Emory was going to an out-of-state university, and Braelynn would be up in Boulder, while I was stuck at home, going to the other University of Colorado campus. I’d figure out my plans, I always did, I just hated the sense of uncertainty I felt, as if I were waiting for something to come, something I didn’t quite understand.

  We walked another block, the sun setting and the evening chill setting in. It was so dry in Colorado that any humidity that might have made its way through to the city was long gone with the sun as the temperature dropped. It wasn’t crazy cold like the other seasons, but it still made me wish I’d brought my jacket.

  The three of us had decided to walk after dinner rather than drive anywhere since it was a nice night and we had nothing better to do. I didn’t have a car of my own anyway since I was saving for college and knew the bus system like the back of my hand. Braelynn had a car but didn’t like driving with Emory because my ex was possibly the worst backseat driver there ever was.

  Emory had a fancy SUV for winter, and an even fancier convertible for the summer thanks to her over-indulgent parents who had no idea what to do with their daughter’s sexuality and their inability to deal with it. But nobody had objected to the walk, so here we were, walking with no direction like we were in middle school rather than being recent high school graduates.

  We talked about nothing important, glossing over anything that could cause an issue since it felt as if all three of us were on edge for some reason, and turned a corner. I almost tripped over my feet at the sight of three people standing in front of a house I knew, the trio glaring at one another before seeming to realize that they weren’t alone.

  I knew them, of course, it was hard not to know the teenagers in my neighborhood since most of us went to the same high school—or rather, had. Those who hadn’t gone there, opting for homeschool or private schools, still ended up in many of the same social clubs that a lot of us were forced into over the years.

  Okay, so maybe forced wasn’t the best word for me since I’d tried a bunch of things as a kid, attempting to figure out what fit me best. The fact that nothing had stuck wasn’t something I wanted to dwell on at the moment, however.

  Why?

  Namely, the two girls in front of us, and the guy standing with them. The very tall, very built guy that was a couple of years older than us but who I thought always looked like the most perfect human specimen. Ever.

  Rhodes Luce.

  If I allowed myself to use words like dreamy for a guy, he was beyond dreamy. His light brown skin always looked silken and almost shiny as if he’d just finished a run and was glistening under the sunlight. His brown hair wasn’t just a normal hue, it had what looked to be honey highlights woven in and was longer on the top than on the sides, giving him a disheveled look that made me want to reach out and mess with it myself.

  Not that I would ever do that.

  Ever.

  Not even in dreams.

  I swore I saw a shadow again out of the corner of my eye when I thought the word dreams, but I ignored it and pinned my gaze back on Rhodes as I stopped in place, my friends beside me.

  Anytime I was near him, I couldn’t stop staring. It wasn’t just his strong cheekbones. Wasn’t just his beauty.

  No, it was his eyes.

  They were so light, I swore they were silver. But people didn’t really have silver eyes.

  Rhodes, though? He totally could.

  He wasn’t alone, so I did my best to pry my eyes from him as I awkwardly waved at the bunch. To his left, Rhodes’ younger sister, Rosamond, smiled brightly, her tunic dress blowing in the wind. I was pretty sure Rosamond had been a hippy in a past life and just hadn’t wanted to stop fitting into the era. It worked for her with her flowing curls and almost luminescent brown skin. She looked like a New Age fairy or something, and the way she spoke and acted fit the description.

  She’d graduated with the rest of us a few weeks ago, but I hadn’t seen her since.

  On Rhodes’ other side stood another former classmate of mine. Alura.

  And if I thought Rosamond was strange, Alura was even more out there. Her long, white-blond hair blew in the breeze that I swore sometimes only affected her—not that that was a thing, though it sure seemed like it. She had the most vivid blue eyes I’d ever seen, like something out of a movie with special contacts, and she rarely spoke.

  Honestly, I hadn’t even known that Alura was friends with Rhodes and Rosamond, but the three definitely seemed to know each other.

  “Oh, hi!” Rosamond said, skipping toward us. “I was just talking to Rhodes and Alura about a hike tomorrow and was going to come by and see if you wanted to go, Lyric.”

  I blinked. I hadn’t really hung out with any of them outside of school, and never with Rhodes. Sure, I had an awkward crush on the guy, but it wasn’t as if I’d truly spoken to him beyond a few short words since he and Rosamond moved to the neighborhood a couple of years ago. He’d already graduated by that point, so we hadn’t gone to school together, and I rarely saw him in the neighborhood since his parents worked a lot and I never saw them.

  “A hike? Really?” Emory scoffed.

  Rosamond glanced over at Emory, seeming to dismiss her with a single look. “Since we’re going to the same campus, Lyric, I figured it would be nice to hang out a bit. You know? Oh, you guys should come, too,” she said to Braelynn and Emory. “It’s going to be a great day, and this way, I’m not hiking alone with Rhodes, who gets all growly when I’m slow.”

  “I don’t growl.”

  And yet…he totally just growled.

  Was I a puddle of goo just then? Because I felt like I was a puddle of goo.

  Emory glanced at me, and I had a feeling I wasn’t hiding my inner thoughts well.

  Holding back a curse, I smiled at Rosamond. “I think a hike would be fun. It’s supposed to be good weather. What did you guys have in mind?”

  Rhodes shrugged, and I did my best not to stare at his forearms as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “A place we like to go to. It’s about an hour outside of the city, but not too far. And the hike isn’t that bad since Rosamond here can do it.”

  “I can hear you,” she sing-songed.

  “I know. I can see you.” He gave me a wink, and I almost looked behind me to make sure it was me he was looking at.

  From Braelynn’s subtle nudge and Emory’s almost inaudible growl, I figured it was me he’d been looking at.