Ashes To Ink Read online

  Ryan hadn’t always had money. When he left his parents’ place, he’d had nothing but the shirt on his back and whatever he had been able to stuff into his bag. They hadn’t liked the fact that he didn’t want to go to a real college. He wanted to go to art school and eventually become a tattoo artist. When he turned eighteen and got his first tattoo—at least waiting until it was legal—his parents had thrown a fit. They kicked him out, called him names, and then blamed him for his twin.

  Ryan didn’t need the guilt trip from his parents regarding Michael. He already blamed himself enough.

  And if he really thought about it, Ryan knew that his twin would fuck things up again. His brother was the reason Ryan had been fired from three of his last four jobs. The only reason he hadn’t been fired from his previous one was because he quit before that happened. Ryan knew that if Michael had shown up there, he would have ended up losing that position just like he had lost everything else.

  So now, the only things Ryan had were this house, his new job with the Montgomerys, and the money his parents had left him out of guilt.

  They had tried to get ahold of him, tried to be in his life again, but it had always been on their terms, following their rules, and for their needs.

  They hadn’t liked his decisions. Didn’t seem to like him.

  But in the end, they hadn’t liked Michael even more.

  And though they had loved Michael, and though they had put all of their attention into making sure Michael was cared for and loved, they had made mistakes.

  And that was how Michael ended up the way he was now.

  And that was why Ryan was the way he was.

  Ryan quickly heated up his food, knowing he would just go to the bakery the next day for his lunch, and tried to let the stress from the day drain from him. He didn’t like thinking about his family. Honestly, he didn’t like thinking about most things that hurt. He had his empty house with its bare walls and knew that would have to be enough for now.

  There was no use thinking about Abby and her warm home or the little girl that made him smile.

  He was just about to wash his dishes when someone knocked on the front door.

  No one really knew where he lived. Those at Montgomery Ink Too had his address on file, but knowing his day, Ryan had a feeling he knew exactly who was on the other side of the door.

  And exactly what they wanted.

  So, when he opened the door and found his twin there, he didn’t sigh. He wasn’t even surprised.

  Michael was back.

  And that meant things were about to get fucked up.

  Again.

  Chapter Three

  Abby wasn’t having the best of days. It wasn’t as bad as the night before, but it still wasn’t that great. Thea had come by the house to pick her up and take her and Julia to the pediatrician. Her friend had offered as soon as Abby called to tell her what had happened. Abby didn’t even have to ask for help.

  The fact that she’d planned to ask in the first place meant that she was getting better at it. Or at least taking that first step. Julia was fine, not even a bruise or a bump. But it never hurt to be careful.

  Abby hadn’t slept at all the night before and had just lain in her own bed with Julia wrapped up beside her, sleeping. The fact that her baby girl could sleep so well after everything that had happened at least made her feel a little bit better. Julia hadn’t been scared, and in reality, the accident hadn’t been that bad. Abby had probably hurt herself more falling on ice, and had hurt herself more that way now that she thought about it.

  The morning at the pediatrician’s had taken time out of her day. Julia was now at the babysitter’s—not with the Montgomerys since Abby hadn’t had the time or the brain power to ask about that yet. But she would do it soon, though maybe not today since she was still trying to catch up with everything else.

  Abby owned the teashop on her own and didn’t have any help, so Thea had sent over one of her workers to help Abby and open the store for her. Abby was so grateful, but she hadn’t been able to actually voice the words with as much emotion as she wanted to. She knew she had to hire someone to help her, and that was in the plans for the next quarter. The fact that she couldn’t take any time off for her daughter without closing the store meant that things needed to change.

  She hadn’t been able to even think about doing that during the first months of her business, but now, things were different.

  They had to be.

  And speaking of different, she couldn’t help but think of Ryan.

  She held back a groan.

  He had been in the right place at the right time, and she knew that they lived close to one another, but she hadn’t known there was a chance that he could be exactly what she needed him to be. He’d calmed her down and hadn’t said anything that might’ve put the blame on her. Of course, it hadn’t been her fault. She’d been driving at precisely the correct speed, but her mind still kept going to what could have happened if things had gone differently.

  Or if things had gotten worse.

  Ryan had been there for her, had shared hot chocolate with her, and…had given her a look that worried her. Not one where she thought he meant her harm, but one that indicated there might be something between them.

  Maybe she was thinking too hard about it. Her system was already on overload thinking about her daughter and the accident. But every time Abby looked at Ryan, every time she thought of him, she couldn’t help but wonder why her mind went to him in the way it did.

  There was just something about him that drew her to him. She shouldn’t be drawn in, not with how their friends were all connected.

  She and Ryan were friends, and all of their friends were friends. He worked close to her and lived even closer. Having anything more than what they currently had was a recipe for disaster.

  But it didn’t help that she just couldn’t get him off her mind.

  Her sleepless night had been spent lying in bed, holding Julia close, not only thinking about the accident but also thinking about Ryan and the way that he looked at her and tried to take care of her.

  The bell over the door rang, and she looked up to see Adrienne walking in, a smile on her face.

  “How are you feeling, babe?” Adrienne hugged her close but then took a step back. Abby was still getting used to the way the Montgomerys touched, the way they were constantly hugging and making sure that the people around them knew that they were cared for and thought of.

  The Gallaghers and Max had been the same way. Max was always holding her, brushing her hair away from her face. He was constantly touching her, showing her that he loved her.

  She missed him with every passing hour and thought of him every single day. She would think about him for the rest of her life, regardless if she went on dates with other people, no matter that she was thinking about Ryan.

  Max would always be a part of her. Trying to find out who she was in this new life of hers had already taken its toll.

  “Okay, what are you thinking about?” Adrienne moved closer, and Abby could hear the worry in the other woman’s voice.

  Abby shook her head, organizing the tea canisters in front of her. “Nothing. Or maybe too much.”

  “Is Julia okay? Are you?”

  “She’s fine. A little hyper since I let her have too much sugar this morning because I was feeling bad.”

  Adrienne snorted and then leaned across the counter. “Daisy is the same way sometimes. I think I spoil her more than Mace does, and that’s saying something.”

  “Daisy is anything but spoiled.” Daisy was Mace’s daughter from a previous relationship, and she’d just started living with Mace full-time after Daisy’s mom left. Now that Adrienne was in Mace’s life as more than just a friend, that meant that Adrienne and Daisy spent their days together now. Abby liked the way the new family seemed to be working, even though they were going slow to make sure that Daisy was happy.

  But that little girl was perfect. Just like Abby’s da
ughter.

  “I’m okay.” Abby said the words again, mostly to convince herself, but Adrienne just looked at her.

  “And if it’s not the accident, why wouldn’t you be okay? What were you thinking about when I walked in?”

  There was something about the way the Montgomery girls spoke to her that always pulled Abby out of her shell. They weren’t harsh, they didn’t push. But they were always there. Abby was never alone when it came to the Montgomerys. She knew she should be grateful, and she was, but she wasn’t sure how she could say these next words.

  “I was just thinking about Max.”

  Pity didn’t enter Adrienne’s eyes, and for that, Abby was grateful. There was a deep sadness there, though. And even though Adrienne had never met Max, she had heard enough about him over the last few months to know where Abby was at emotionally. Or at least where she had been before last night.

  “Do you want to talk about him? Or anything? I don’t have a client for another hour, so we could sip some tea and just talk.”

  Abby looked around, noting that while the store might be empty, she had a few online orders that she needed to take care of. But she could take ten minutes to talk with her friend. She could use those ten minutes to try and get her thoughts in order.

  “I’d like that. But can we just stand out here if that’s okay? I want to be sure I’m here in case a customer walks in.”

  “I get it. Ryan and Shep are over at the shop taking care of their own clients. Mace is coming in later, but he’s on kid duty today.”

  “You know, speaking of kid duty…”

  Adrienne’s eyes widened, and then she clapped her hands, bouncing from one foot to the other. “Have we worn you down? I knew we would.”

  Abby rolled her eyes. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to be worked into the schedule. Especially this next quarter once I hire someone to actually help me at the shop.”

  “I can’t wait. We’ll work with spreadsheets. Not that I’m the best with spreadsheets, but Roxie and Shea are really good at them.”

  As accountants, Shea and Roxie had heads for numbers and schedules. If they could help Abby with trying to make sure she did as much as possible without running herself ragged, then she’d take it.

  “So…” Adrienne began. “What’s going on?”

  “I loved Max. I still love him. I’m going to love him forever. It’s just hard trying to figure out exactly how I’m supposed to feel when, sometimes, I just want to say it’s okay to not feel.”

  “I’ve never gone through what you have, so I can’t really tell you what to feel. But then again, even if I had been through it, I wouldn’t tell you what to feel. If you want to miss Max and still move on? I think you know what you’re doing with that. And I like the man that I’ve learned through you, and the way you talk about him around Julia. I think he would have wanted you to figure out this new person you are.”

  Abby smiled, stirring her tea. They had gone with an herbal, fruit-infused tea that was a little too summery for the season, but she’d needed to think about something a little peppier than the cool winter. “I’ve dated. Well, I’ve been on two dates. I didn’t wear my ring. I couldn’t. I didn’t even get married, so I only have the engagement ring to begin with. We were waiting for Julia to be born before we got married.”

  “I know, you told me. And I love that ring. I’m glad you keep it in your tray on your desk.”

  “That way, it’s always with me at work. I used to keep it in my wallet, but then my wallet got too heavy, and it hurt to think of. I keep it here, and then I take it home with me. I don’t know why I do that, but I’ll find a pattern that works for me. I’m never going to forget him. And I don’t want to. But it’s just…it’s just weird starting over.”

  “And is there someone that you want to start over with?” Adrienne’s question was probing, but it wasn’t malicious. They were just two girlfriends talking about what-ifs in relationships. Abby hadn’t done that in forever, hadn’t allowed herself to. Maybe it was time she tried.

  “Not really. I just…I don’t know. It’s just a little hard.” She wasn’t going to tell Adrienne about Ryan yet. Or ever. Those were just weird thoughts that didn’t have anything to do with anything anyway.

  Just because she had felt heat between them, some kind of connection, it didn’t mean that she should be up in arms in her head trying to figure out exactly where she stood with him, and what her thoughts with Max would be if she thought of Ryan more.

  “Well, whenever you want to talk, I’m here for you. All of us are. And we love you. Because you’re family now, even if you don’t really understand yet that the Montgomerys take over your life and never let you go.”

  They both laughed at that, and Abby rolled her eyes. When they finished their tea, Adrienne left to get back to work. Abby finished up her online orders and then helped a few customers who came in to shop for the holidays. Over the next two hours, Abby moved right into lunch. Teas’d was full of people. The holiday rush was nice, and she knew that her bank ledgers would be happy after today.

  Abby was just finishing up the last of the rush, thinking that she would probably grab something quick to eat over at Thea’s, when Ryan walked in, his hands in his pockets, and his leather jacket zipped up to ward off the cold from outside.

  She was so surprised to see him, she nearly dropped her tea canister. She shouldn’t be shocked. He came in often for tea, especially since he had coffee in the morning over at Thea’s and then enjoyed afternoon tea with her.

  She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t stop looking at his eyes.

  She really should stop looking at his eyes.

  “Hey, I just wanted to check in on you. See if you were okay. Adrienne said Thea took you and Julia over to the pediatrician’s and that Julia is fine. But I didn’t know if you went to the doctor, too.”

  Abby set the tea canister down on the counter, grateful that she didn’t break it open, but a little annoyed that she didn’t have anything to do with her hands. “I didn’t go, but I’m not bruised. I don’t even have a seat belt burn. We were going so slow, I think I’ve hurt myself more running into the couch.”

  Ryan’s lips quirked into a smile. “I’ve broken a toe running into a couch, so I get it.”

  Abby cringed. “Me, too. It’s those damn pinky toes. They just like to latch on.”

  She was talking about toes. Broken toes.

  Apparently, she was rusty at this. Whatever this was.

  “Yeah, pretty much. But I’m glad to see you’re okay. And I’m glad Julia is, too. I could use some tea if that’s okay with you.”

  Abby jumped into action, moving around the counter and closer to him. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked. What can I get you?”

  “You don’t have to serve me, Abby. I’m just here because I like your company. And I like your tea.”

  Her stomach did that weird flopping thing that she hadn’t felt in so long, and she was kind of worried about it. What was she doing? Was she reading this wrong? Or maybe she was going insane and just thinking too much. Because Ryan was her friend. Nothing more.

  She just had to get that through her head.

  “What are you thinking about, Abby?” Ryan leaned forward, his hands still in his pockets. He didn’t touch her, but she could still feel the heat of him. “You look like you’re thinking hard. Are you okay?”

  She paused. “Are you saying that thinking hard will hurt my head?”

  Ryan blinked and then threw his head back and laughed. She really liked that laugh. It was deep, and a little rough.

  And she really needed to stop thinking about rough.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. But, apparently, I ramble when it comes to you.”

  “I don’t think you rambled. But maybe that’s because I ramble even more than you.”

  “See? You think I ramble if you said ‘even more.’”

  Abby put her hands over her face and let out a tiny scream. “I think we need
to start over on this conversation.”

  “No, I don’t mind. But I really could use some tea.”

  She nodded, letting out a breath. “I have that peppermint that you like. The one without the chocolate.”

  “I love the one with the chocolate, but for some reason, I do like the other one more.”

  She quickly got to work steeping it as he looked around the shop, gazing at each of the gift baskets she had made. She kept her eyes on him rather than her hands, and was grateful she was a pro at this, or she probably would have burned herself.

  When it was done, she poured herself a cup as well, not knowing why since she’d had enough tea for the day. But she didn’t want him to drink alone.

  “Here you go.” His hands brushed hers as he took the cup from her, his gaze meeting hers, as well.

  She swallowed hard, wondering why she felt like this. Why there was a fluttering in her stomach and in her chest.

  Ryan was just her friend. They had done this countless times before.

  It shouldn’t feel like this.

  But it did.

  “Thank you.” A pause. “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

  And then his eyes grew wide, and he set down his tea. “I didn’t mean to ask that.”

  That sharp stabbing sensation in her chest hurt more than she thought it would at his words. At the fact he hadn’t wanted to be with her…had thought it a mistake? Just after one moment of clarity?

  Ouch.

  She stood there, blinking, then looked up at him.

  “Oh? I see.”

  Ryan cursed under his breath and then moved around the counter. He cupped her face. He’d never touched her like this before. And it made her freeze.

  He was touching her, his hands soft. He was caring. And he was touching her.

  “I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. I only meant that I didn’t mean to ask you out like that. The thoughts were going through my head, and I didn’t realize the words had spilled out until they did.”