Harder Than Words Read online

  Seriously, she had no idea how it had happened.

  He hadn’t even let her go home and change, so she was still in her work clothes—as he was for that matter. It was as if he knew she’d find a way out of going if he dropped her off at the house even for a moment.

  The damn man knew her too well.

  No, scratch that, the man had known her too well.

  He didn’t know this Meghan.

  And if she was honest with herself, she didn’t know this Meghan either.

  She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of philosophical issues that came from a lack of sleep. No good came from overthinking, as her father had always told her. Too bad she was the queen of overthinking these days. Jumping headfirst into situations was how she’d ended up married to Richard, and she’d be damned if she’d do something like that again. So she lived her life according to lists and did her best to keep her children happy.

  Going out to dinner with Luc to celebrate her son’s good grade was not in that plan. It wasn’t even a side note on a list where she could mark it off. This was out of the blue and so freaking confusing.

  “If you don’t stop clenching your jaw, you’re going to break a tooth.”

  She froze at the feeling of Luc’s warm breath on her ear and neck as he leaned closer to whisper in her ear. Damn man. What the heck did he think he was doing? They usually kept space between them.

  Boundaries made for happy people.

  “I’m not clenching my jaw,” she retorted through clenched teeth.

  She forced herself to relax, refusing to turn toward him. While he might have been the gentleman and her kids might have been acting reasonably calm, she was a freaking mess. She didn’t like the fact that she’d been maneuvered into this, didn’t like that her choices had been taken from her. It was stupid to even think that, since he was only doing a nice thing, one she would have done without him anyway, but still, it grated.

  And the fact that it did made her feel like a first-class bitch.

  Hence the clenching.

  Luc snorted but pulled away and held up four fingers for the hostess. The younger woman gave Luc a speculative look then checked out Meghan and her kids. Once again, Meghan’s jaw clenched, but this time it wasn’t for Luc somehow convincing her to come out with him tonight. Whether the girl was judging that they were wearing older jeans and tops, that her kids looked nothing like Luc, or that she and Luc were standing so close together in the first place, Meghan didn’t know. In any case, it pissed her off.

  “Ignore her,” he whispered then kissed her temple. They both froze.

  He used to kiss her temples all the time when they were younger. It had been a normal thing between friends where he’d calm her down. It had been years since she’d felt his lips against her skin, however, and now she didn’t know what to do.

  Luc seemed to be at a loss for words himself and moved awkwardly back to where he’d been standing. She didn’t know what words might have followed after telling her to ignore the hostess, and frankly, she was glad he’d stopped talking. She needed a moment to compose herself.

  For freak’s sake, this was Luc. What the hell was wrong with her?

  Cliff stood stiffly by her side; her baby boy was still not speaking to her. She had no idea what she’d done this time, but she wished she could figure it out. This was a celebration for him, yet he looked as solemn as usual. He used to laugh and smile so often before that she never imagined he’d go from a happy baby to this. He wasn’t even a tween or a teenager yet, and his mood had changed dramatically. If there was something she could do to fix it, she would, but right then, she could only wrap her arm around his stiff shoulders and lead him to the table as they followed the hostess. At least he didn’t pull away from her.

  Sasha, on the other hand, had no problem blending right in. She chattered a mile a minute about her day, her tiny hand tucked safely in Luc’s much larger one. She practically skipped her way toward the table, and Luc, being the good sport he was, kept her from knocking into other tables. He had his head bent, his attention on her words as well as the direction they moved.

  The four of them looked as if they were a…family.

  She swallowed hard, pushing that thought firmly out of her mind.

  She had her family. Her, Sasha, and Cliff.

  Luc was an old friend. Nothing more. She wasn’t sure she could deal with more than what they had now. She’d messed up with Richard; she couldn’t do it again.

  Just because Luc was spending time with her babies didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. It would do well for her to remember that.

  They sat down, Sasha pulling Luc in on her side of the booth, forcing Cliff to sit with Meghan. The fact that she’d even thought of it as force just then made a small part of her heart ache. However, she would push through the dinner just like she’d pushed through so much more.

  “Can I have grilled cheese, Mommy?” Sasha asked, bouncing in her seat. Where her baby girl got her energy, Meghan would never know. “With the bacon?” She turned her bright smile at Luc. “I love bacon. Mommy won’t let me eat it every day though. She makes me eat oatmeal.” She scrunched up her nose, and Luc snorted, his eyes twinkling when he looked at Meghan.

  Meghan closed her eyes for a brief moment. “You like oatmeal, honey. We put fruit in it.”

  Sasha nodded, her face serious. “But it’s not bacon. Bacon is the masterpiece of breakfast.”

  Meghan couldn’t help it. She threw her head back and laughed, the sound of Luc’s deep-timbre laugh joining hers, making her warm from the inside out.

  “Where did you learn that, Sasha?”

  Sasha grinned, sticking her tongue against her loose tooth to wiggle it around. “Uncle Griffin. He says he’s writing his masterpiece. That means the best ever.”

  Meghan laughed again. Her mystery and thriller writer brother did say that often, though most of her family knew he was joking. Or at least she hoped he was.

  “You can get grilled cheese,” Meghan said finally. “With bacon,” she added with a wink. “Cliff, honey, do you want the beef sliders? I know you love those.”

  “Okay,” he said softly.

  She met Luc’s curious eyes across the table and slightly shook her head at the questions she saw. It wasn’t as though she had the answers.

  The waitress came and took their drink orders as well as an order from Luc for nachos. Her stomach grumbled at the thought of melted cheese, and he grinned at her.

  “Hungry?”

  She felt her cheeks heat, but she shrugged. “Apparently,” she said dryly. “Nachos are a weakness of mine.”

  “I know,” he said simply, and Meghan had to pull her gaze from his.

  After the waitress came back and took their dinner orders, Sasha began her point-by-point discussion of her school day. Her daughter did this nightly, but Meghan wasn’t too sure Luc would want to hear it.

  “Sasha, baby, why don’t you wait to tell me about your day until we get home? Let’s talk about something else with Luc.”

  Sasha lowered her brows, looking so much like her that it forced her to hold back a laugh. “But why? He’s Luc. I want him to know about my day.”

  “I don’t mind, Meghan,” Luc said, his voice low, a little dangerous.

  Dangerous? What the hell was going on with her brain tonight?

  “See, Mommy?” Sasha said then began her story from the start.

  Poor Luc.

  She leaned closer to her son and lowered her voice. “Enjoying your coloring, Cliff?”

  “I guess.”

  “Did you have a good day today?”

  “Sure.”

  She took a deep breath and pulled away. Digging information out of her son in the middle of the restaurant was not going to happen today. Maybe when they got home, he’d be more open.

  And maybe she’d find the cure for not enough hours in a day.

  The waitress set down their nachos and Cliff finally sat straighter. H
e had her love of melted cheese as well.

  “This looks great, Luc,” she said.

  He met her gaze and smiled. Damn, he had a nice smile. She missed it. “It does. Now should I have ordered extra sour cream, or will you be sharing this time?”

  She snorted, her face heating once more. “You might need to order more,” she mumbled, and Luc threw his head back and laughed.

  “Good to know some things never change.”

  She met his gaze, an odd feeling going down her spine. “Some things do,” she whispered then shook her head.

  Her children were sitting right next to them, and here she was, her mind in the past and her body doing odd things in reaction to Luc’s presence. She must just be overtired or something.

  “Where did you live before?” Sasha asked, her gaze on Luc’s.

  From the way her eyes fluttered and her cheeks pinked, Meghan had a feeling her baby girl was falling in love.

  Not good.

  Luc was one damn nice-looking man, but it was the warmth in his smile, his easygoing nature she held dear that she figured Sasha loved. Meghan would have to do her best to ensure her daughter’s heart didn’t break once again if another man in their lives let them down. The scars that burned across her own soul had made her callous, but she refused to allow her daughter to go through anything like that again.

  Resolute, she lifted her chin, her mind on her daughter and not the man who sat in front of her.

  “I’ve lived all over,” Luc said then took a bite of his nachos.

  Meghan watched the way his tongue flipped over his lower lip as he caught a bit of salsa, and she blinked. She had no right to watch him that way. She must be hungrier than she thought.

  Hungry for a man.

  Not food.

  Nope. Not going there.

  “Where?” Sasha asked, munching on a chip.

  Luc grinned then leaned back into the booth, putting one arm behind Sasha’s head. “Well, I lived in Oregon for a bit, then Chicago, then I moved out East to outside New York City.” He met Meghan’s eyes for a second then turned back to Sasha. “I’ve lived everywhere, it seems.”

  “Why did you keep moving?” Sasha asked. “Why didn’t you stay home?”

  Meghan frowned. She would’ve loved to know the answer to that as well, but from the way Luc’s face shut down ever so slightly, she had a feeling she wouldn’t be finding out the true reason tonight.

  “I’m home now,” he said simply then bit into another chip.

  Sasha, as young as she was, seemed to take that answer as truth because she proceeded to ask about puppies and if he had any.

  “I don’t,” Luc said. “Not yet, anyway.”

  “We have Boomer,” Sasha said with a smile. “You met him when you came over before.”

  Meghan deliberately refused to think of why he had come over that first time, even if it had been to a different house and her children weren’t there. He’d picked her up from the floor of desperation, and she’d leaned on him.

  She shouldn’t have leaned on him.

  She’d broken down at the sight of him and fell into his arms as if they hadn’t been apart for years. He’d held her as she wept and wiped away her tears before he walked out of her home once more.

  “I know Boomer,” Luc said quietly.

  “Boomer’s at home now, but when we get home, I get to feed him.” She paused. “Or Cliff. We take turns. When you get puppies, they can be best friends with Boomer. He will protect you. He’s a good dog.”

  Protect you? Where had Sasha gotten that idea? Just one more thing to add to her Mommy Worry list. The damn thing got bigger and bigger every time she looked, but she couldn’t help it.

  She was a mom.

  “Boomer sounds like a good dog,” Luc said, his voice low, patient. “You’re lucky to have him.”

  “I know.” Sasha smiled sweetly up at him. “You can share him with us until you get a puppy of your own. That way you’re not alone.”

  Meghan winced. “Honey, Luc isn’t alone.” For all she knew, he had a girlfriend, or something even more serious, with a dog of her own. Plus, he had his whole family, and everyone had to be glad he was back in town for good.

  Luc gave her a sharp look but didn’t say anything. Had she made a mistake? Hell, she used to be better at this whole thing…whatever this thing was. She was just too uncomfortable with the situation. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with Luc since he’d been back, and now she had her two kids with her. From the outside looking in, they looked like a family.

  And that scared the hell out of her.

  “Thank you for offering to share Boomer with me, Sasha. That’s a nice thing to say.”

  “Anything for you, Uncle Luc.”

  Meghan held back a groan when Sasha fluttered her eyelashes up at the man. Her little girl was going to be a handful when she got older. Heck, she was a handful now.

  Luc’s eyes danced with laughter, and he turned the conversation to movies just as their dinner showed up. The four of them ate with easier conversation, Luc actually pulling Cliff into the fray every now and then. Cliff didn’t seem to have the same stiffness in his shoulders when he spoke to Luc like he did when he spoke to her. It hurt, like a sharp blow to the chest, but she ignored it. As long as Cliff spoke just a little, he wasn’t hidden. She’d take anything she could get at this point.

  If only she knew why he was acting that way.

  Luc picked up the check, and she narrowed her eyes at him, promising later discussion. She wasn’t about to get into an argument in front of her children, but the man needed to know she could care for her babies herself. She didn’t need a man—even a man that had once been her best friend—taking care of her.

  As if sensing her mood, he shook his head. “I wanted to celebrate Cliff’s good grade. It’s my treat.” He grinned, a flash of teeth. “You can take care of it next time.”

  If she had her way, there wouldn’t be a next time. He confused her, and she didn’t have the luxury of being confused. She couldn’t raise her babies, take care of her home, and run her side of the business if she was confused.

  They piled into his truck, and he drove them home, Sasha keeping up the conversation for the four of them. If Meghan could harness Sasha’s energy and sell it, she’d be rich.

  Or at least not as tired.

  When they pulled up to her small house, she quickly jumped out. “Thank you, Luc, for dinner and the ride. I can take it from here.”

  He raised a brow then got out of the truck. “I’ll help you take them in. They have all their bags, and I could use a cup of coffee.”

  She raised a brow of her own at that. “Do you really need the caffeine this late at night?”

  “You know me and my love of coffee.”

  “No, no I don’t. You didn’t drink it all that much when we were younger. It must have been something you picked up on the road.” She wanted to kick herself when he raised his chin. She didn’t miss the look of hurt that had passed over his face. Who was this shrew of a woman? Richard leaving her didn’t mean she needed to act like a bitch to a man who was kind to her. If she’d been thinking clearly, she’d have invited him in for coffee anyway. It was a small thank-you for all he’d done for her that day.

  Instead, she lashed out because she couldn’t handle the direction of her innermost thoughts.

  Those thoughts she refused to look at too closely.

  “Come in for coffee, Luc. I’m sorry.” She whispered the last part and met his eyes. He nodded then picked up Sasha’s bag and helped her with the booster seats.

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  Please. Don’t mention it.

  He gave her a small smile then followed her into the house. It wasn’t the largest place, and smaller by far than the one she’d shared with Richard, but it was all she could afford. Richard had taken most of the money in her accounts—including the children’s college funds—when he packed his bags and left them
. A technicality had allowed him to keep most of the money. Before he left, she’d spent her time raising her children and making their home warm and comforting, though the man who’d lived with them had been anything but.

  There had always been something missing in the large home, however.

  It seemed the smaller, slightly run-down place she’d been forced to find had that missing piece. Though not as grand, it felt homier. At least to her. It was hers. Hers and her babies’. Yes, she rented it, but it was still hers.

  The children shared a room for now, but one day, when she had the money, they’d have their own rooms. They were getting too old to be sharing a room.

  “Mommy!” Sasha screamed, and Meghan turned on her heel, dropping her bag next to the coffee table.

  “What is it, baby?” she asked, going to her knees, clutching her child close. Luc was by her side in an instant, his body as stiff as hers.

  “My tooth. I lost my tooth!”

  Sasha pulled back and held up her hand, where a little baby tooth sat in her palm. It still had part of the bloody part attached, and Meghan did her best not to empty her stomach right there. Teeth freaked her out. She couldn’t help it.

  Luc reached over her and closed Sasha’s hand over her tooth. “You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? Your first lost tooth?”

  Sasha nodded, her smile wide.

  Meghan stared at the gummy gap in the front of her daughter’s mouth. Deep breath. She could do this. It was just a tooth.

  From the corner of her eye, she saw Cliff smile. Yes, her son knew of her aversion to teeth, so at least he had something to laugh at. She’d take that any day. Bloody parts and all. Her stomach turned.

  “It didn’t hurt,” Sasha said, and Meghan brushed her daughter’s hair behind her ear.

  “That’s good, baby. Now let’s go wash your mouth out and get you ready for bed. We’ll need to put your tooth under your pillow to make sure the tooth fairy can come and get it.”

  Meghan internally winced. Sasha didn’t sleep deeply until two or three in the morning usually. Meaning Mom would be up until at least then so she could tiptoe her way into the bedroom and play tooth fairy.