Harder Than Words Page 6

  Sleep? Who needed that?

  “Will Luc help?” Sasha asked, her eyes wide.

  “Honey, Luc needs to go to sleep soon, too. In his own bed.”

  Now why the hell did she have to think about Luc and beds? He was just her old friend. That was it.

  “I can stay a little while,” Luc said softly. “I’ll make sure your tooth is all ready for the tooth fairy. What do you say to that?”

  Sasha jumped up and down, her tooth secure in her fist. “Yay! And will you read to me? I like your voice.”

  So did Meghan. But that didn’t mean Luc needed to be there.

  “Sasha, honey.”

  “I’ve got this,” Luc said and stood up, picking up Sasha with him. “So I just throw her in bed right? Call it a night?”

  Sasha giggled, and Meghan couldn’t help but smile. She wasn’t sure Sasha had ever had anyone but her or someone from her family tuck her in. She’d never even had a sitter do so for anything other than a nap. Richard had never done it. The idea that Luc would so readily help warmed her…and scared her to death.

  She swallowed her hurt and went through the motions of getting the kids ready for bed. Luc listened to Sasha chatter through it all and even tried to pull Cliff out of his shell. It didn’t work, but at least he tried. By the time the children were in bed, and Luc had read not one but two stories to her babies, Meghan knew she needed to put distance between her family and Luc. She didn’t want them to get hurt again, and that was the only result of whatever was happening. That was a given.

  “Thank you for taking time out of your day for them,” she said primly as she stood with him by her front door.

  “I’ll pick you up tomorrow for work. What time is good for you?” His voice was low, dangerous yet again.

  She shook her head. “No need. I can call Storm. Thank you again. Have a good night.”

  He leaned forward, his eyes on hers. She sucked in a breath but didn’t back away. Why didn’t she back away? Tingles shot down her spine; goose bumps ran up her arm.

  “Afraid, Meghan?” he asked, his voice breathy.

  “Always,” she said honestly then shut her mouth. Why had she said that?”

  She pulled away then, aware of what they’d almost done—what must never happen again.

  “Thank you, Luc. I will see you at work.” Her tone was cool, icy.

  He searched her face then gave her a slow nod. “See you soon, Meghan.”

  She didn’t say anything and forced herself not to watch him walk away.

  She closed the door behind him and leaned her head against it, trying to catch her breath.

  She’d almost kissed Luc or, rather, almost let him kiss her.

  They hadn’t done that as teenagers or young adults.

  It couldn’t happen now.

  She’d had her happy ending and lost it.

  She didn’t have another in her.

  Chapter Five

  Luc wasn’t an idiot, but hell, he’d sure been acting like one. Almost kissing Meghan in her house with her kids only a few yards away had to be one of the stupider things he’d done. And he’d grown up with the Montgomery boys, jumping off shit and building forts too high off the ground only because they could.

  He knew he’d maneuvered his way into dinner with her and the kids, then into her home to help her say goodnight, but he hadn’t really thought twice about it. When he came back to Denver, it wasn’t for her; it was for himself.

  Yeah, he’d left because of her—or, rather, his reaction to her.

  But he’d come back because, of all the places he’d lived, Denver was home.

  He’d come back and realized that what he left had changed into something he couldn’t quite quantify, and he’d spent the past year trying to figure out what he wanted.

  He kept telling himself that he didn’t want Meghan. Didn’t want her like he had before, didn’t want her like he could in the future.

  Yet the more he was with her—surly attitude and all—he couldn’t help but want to be by her side and get to know the woman she’d become. Maybe one day she’d let him show her the man he’d become.

  So he might have lied to himself and his family that he didn’t have feelings for Meghan, but he wasn’t sure he could do it any longer.

  He didn’t love her like he once had. What he felt now…well, it was a new layer. A feeling he couldn’t quite name that didn’t have the same taste as before. Maybe he still loved her, but he wasn’t sure. He needed to know her more. They’d both changed so much that telling himself he still loved her with every ounce of his being, as he once had, would be a lie to them both. Not just a lie, but it would be an assault on their hearts to even do so. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

  But he liked her.

  Cared for her.

  Wanted her.

  Last night had proved to him that he wanted her more than he thought he could after all these years. He didn’t want her for just one night, but he wasn’t sure he could look too far down the road and see what else he could have.

  It would hurt too much for all parties involved to do so.

  Instead, he would need to do something that he hadn’t done all those years ago.

  Actually make a move.

  Easier said than done, considering he had no idea how to go about that. He hadn’t been a monk for the past decade, but none of those women had been Meghan Montgomery.

  No, that wasn’t her name anymore.

  She’d been married, was now divorced and scarred.

  And he wanted to know the woman Richard had thrown away because the man was such a fucking idiot.

  There were many obstacles in his path, but the main one was the woman herself.

  He’d seen in her eyes the desire that warred with confusion. He’d sensed the need in her and was aware she’d caught her breath when he leaned forward. She wanted him and didn’t know what to do with the feeling.

  He’d just have to lay all his cards on the table.

  Because if he didn’t, he’d be lying to himself once again.

  He’d done that before, and he wouldn’t hold back for another decade because he was afraid.

  He cleared his throat and finally got out of his truck. Today, however, would not be the day he professed his feelings. Considering he’d been invited to the Montgomery family barbecue, pulling Meghan off to the side in front of all her brothers and sisters wouldn’t be the best plan.

  But maybe seeing him there would show her he wasn’t going away any time soon.

  Hell, he used to be better at this whole dating thing.

  Apparently, he’d forgotten it all as soon as he’d seen her big blue eyes staring up at him.

  “Are you just going to stand out here brooding all day? Or are you going to come in and say hi?” Austin Montgomery, the eldest Montgomery offspring, asked, his big arms crossed over his large chest.

  Luc raised a brow at the bearded man. “You’re talking to me about brooding? Doesn’t Sierra call you her brooding, bearded husband?”

  Austin grinned then, looking nothing like a brooding man. “True, but she calls me something else in bed.”

  Luc rolled his eyes and walked up and reached out for a tight hug. “Good to see you. I didn’t know if you and Sierra would be here today since I’d heard Colin wasn’t feeling too well.”

  Colin was their four-month-old son. They also had another son named Leif, who was around eleven or so from a previous relationship of Austin’s.

  “He’s doing better today, and Sierra wanted to see the family. We were more worried about whether he was contagious since Dad’s immune system is shot right now, but the doc said we were good to go.”

  The elder Montgomery’s cancer treatments had been going well, but in the past couple months, things had started a downslide. The man was fucking strong, but sometimes pure strength wasn’t enough.

  Not that they wanted to think that way.

  The Montgomerys were a force to be reckoned with.


  “I’m glad he’s feeling better,” Luc said as he followed Austin into the house.

  “Want a beer? I know you’re driving, but it’s early yet.”

  “Thanks, I’ll stick to Coke for now. I don’t know how long I’m staying.”

  Austin gave him a look, but Luc didn’t elaborate. He needed to figure out his plan when it came to Meghan, and being able to think quickly on his feet would only help.

  Sierra, holding Colin, came up to him and smiled. “You made it.”

  He’d known Sierra only since he’d moved back, but he liked her well enough to call her a close friend. Her honey-brown hair hung in waves down her back, and her bright eyes held a hint of pain every so often. But as soon as she saw Austin, that pain seemed to go away. Luc wondered what it would feel like to have that kind of connection to someone.

  Colin held out his hands to Luc and he plucked the baby, who looked so much like Austin with blue eyes and dark hair, out of his mother’s arms.

  “Look at you, big guy,” he said, snuggling the kid close. “You’ve grown like a foot since I was last here.”

  “Not quite that much,” Sierra said with a smile. “You’re so good with kids, Luc. I’m surprised you don’t have any of your own.”

  He just gave her a small smile then blew raspberries on Colin’s tummy. The kid laughed like crazy, the sound settling down into Luc’s bones. He’d never been able to find someone to fit him like the dream girl he’d made up in his mind. If he hadn’t been so hung up on Meghan, he might have been able to move forward and have a family by now, but that hadn’t happened. Damn it, maybe he did love her still. Fuck, his brain hurt. Things were different than they were before. So different that he might even get to have Meghan for himself if things worked out. God, please let things work out.

  Wait. He wanted Meghan for his in truth?

  Hell. He needed to breathe, to think about what he wanted. On one hand, he was afraid of hurting what he had now with the woman he’d once loved with all his heart, on the other…well. He still cared for her. Was that love? He didn’t know. It might be. He might be too chickenshit to figure it out. Shit. If he didn’t breathe and take a step, he’d regret it. But he’d regret hurting Meghan more in the process.

  He passed Colin back to his parents then headed out to the backyard to see the rest of the family. The Montgomerys were a large family, and they were tight-knit. Most times they had something like this barbecue, all eight kids and some of their friends would come, except for those who were away at school, but even then, they still visited on every holiday. At least that’s what Decker had told him. Luc had missed all of that. He’d also apparently missed Meghan’s ex being a right bastard at these things.

  He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he’d witnessed that.

  “It’s about time you showed up,” Decker said as he gave Luc a one-armed hug.

  Luc didn’t remember Decker being so touchy-feely when they were younger, but he had a feeling it had to do with the pretty brunette next to him.

  “I had things to do.” Luc opened his arms as Miranda wrapped her own around his waist. “Good to see you, darling.”

  She kissed his cheek then looked up at him with a sparkle in her eyes. “It’s good to see you too. I’m glad you’re here. Mom and Dad were sad you weren’t here last time.”

  He winced, knowing he had no true excuse for missing the last one. In fact, his only excuse was the fact that Meghan had been so cold to him. He hadn’t wanted to deal with that. Only now he saw beneath the surface—or at least he thought he did.

  Damn, he hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

  “I’m here now,” he said simply. “Now, when is the wedding so I can save the date? I feel like you two have been engaged forever.”

  Miranda and Decker shared a look, and Luc felt as if he’d stepped in it. Well, shit. “What did I say?” he asked, looking between the two of them.

  Miranda sighed, but Decker just shrugged. “You’re not the only person who has been asking when we’re setting a date. I feel like we’re letting everyone down by taking our time getting married.”

  “You need to get them out of your head, Mir,” Decker said then kissed her temple. “We’re enjoying life as it is. We’ll get married when we’re ready.”

  “It’s not about getting married,” Luc said. “Right? It’s about the wedding and the fact that you have to plan everything for everyone else?”

  Miranda winced. “I sometimes wish we could just elope. You know?”

  “Then do it,” Luc said simply.

  She snorted, and Decker shook his head. “We can’t elope,” she said softly. “It would disappoint everyone.”

  “The only way you’d disappoint everyone is if you put their needs above your own about this. There are how many siblings and cousins in your family? There will be plenty of weddings. If you want to do something small, or something just with yourselves, then do it. I know I’m not family, so you can just ignore me, but do what you want to do to make your marriage work. Because, in the end, it’s just the two of you in this, not the whole family.”

  Miranda’s eyes filled with tears, and he opened his mouth to tell her to not listen to him, but then she flew into his arms, kissing his cheeks.

  “What did I say?” Luc asked, doing his best not to hold Miranda too tightly since Decker was right there.

  “Let him breathe, Mir,” Decker said with a laugh.

  “Thank you,” Miranda said then kissed his cheek one more time before letting go. “Even with how often people are asking about it, no one is pressuring us. I need to remember that.”

  “We’re the ones doing the pressuring, I think,” Decker added. “The Montgomerys have done so much for me—for us—I just don’t want to disappoint them.”

  Luc shook his head. “I don’t think you could do that.” He frowned. “Maybe you could just do something small with just the siblings and close friends in the backyard or something? You can even have one of your parents officiate. You know? Make it about you and them without dealing with all the things that make weddings hard as hell.”

  Miranda met Decker’s gaze and smiled brightly. “That’s a fantastic idea, Luc. Why didn’t we think of that?”

  “Because you were so worried about others and the grand scheme of things that you couldn’t stand back and see a way to make it all work out for yourselves and them. You don’t have to listen to me, honest. Just do what feels right. And remember to breathe.”

  Breathing. He could do that. If only he could take his own advice when it came to Meghan. Only he didn’t think standing back and waiting for her to see him would work. It had taken a year after coming back for him to realize that this was the time—this was what he wanted. In fact, the realization had happened only in the past week. Although, come to think of it, he’d dropped everything the moment he realized Meghan needed him after he first returned to Denver.

  Maybe he’d always be the one to drop things for her and try to help, but he’d take that. He wouldn’t always beg, wouldn’t always wait, but he’d show her what they could have. Or at least what he hoped they could have. Damn it. Now he was sounding like some whiney kid who wanted something he couldn’t have.

  He was a damn man over thirty. He should just buck up and deal with what came.

  He talked to Miranda and Decker for a few more minutes then headed over to talk with Griffin, Storm, and Wes for a bit. He worked with Storm and Wes daily, so he was closest to them in most respects. Griffin was also close to him in age, but because the man shut himself off in his house to work on his stories, they didn’t see much of each other. Luc had read every book Griffin released—not that he told him that. Griffin didn’t like knowing if his friends and family were reading him, so Luc let it stay that way. He was damned proud of the man, though.

  “Where have you been hiding?”

  Luc turned to see Maya Montgomery making her way toward him, her blunt bangs setting off her blue eyes in the pinup star fashion she
loved. Luc always thought she, of all the Montgomerys, was the one who stood out the most. Yes, Meghan was the one who called to him, but Maya had set herself apart. Why, he didn’t know, and he didn’t think it was his place to ask.

  He held out his arm, and she folded into his side and gave him a tight hug. It didn’t escape his notice that, of all the Montgomerys, there was only one who didn’t hold on to him like this. And she was the only one he wanted to do so.

  No, that wasn’t right. There was one more Montgomery who kept his distance, but Luc didn’t see Alex anywhere at the moment. He hoped the man wasn’t off drinking in a corner, sulking over his divorce or whatever other demons haunted him. He knew the Montgomerys, and he felt helpless for Alex, but until the man wanted to help himself there was nothing they could do.

  Luc shook those thoughts away and kissed the top of Maya’s head. “I’ve been here for a bit now, Maya. I haven’t been hiding.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not talking about now, dork.” She poked him in the abs and shook her head. “You were gone too long, Luc. I know you wanted to see the world or whatever, but I’m glad you’re home.” She looked over his shoulder and smiled like a cat in the cream. “I know of another person who’s happy you’re back as well.”

  Luc refused to look behind him. The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he knew who was back there. She must have just shown up because he hadn’t seen her when he came in. Damn it, he was like a teenage boy, all limbs and sweat and no real words.

  “Stay out of it, Maya,” he growled. As much as he loved Maya, she had the habit of trying to help others in relationships. The woman refused to admit she had a thing with her own best friend, Jake, but she loved making sure others were happy with the ones they wanted. “I don’t need your help.”

  “What is she talking about?” Griffin asked, and Luc suppressed a wince. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he’d forgotten he had an audience.

  He turned to Wes, Storm, and Griffin. He wouldn’t lie, but he could hold some of himself back. “Meghan and I are just starting to be friends again, and I don’t want Maya to meddle.”