Harder Than Words Page 8

  Meghan smiled, despite the fear that had slowly leached into her system at the memory of Sierra’s pale form on the grass. “True. And tonight they are practicing with my crew. The two of them promised me they’d be on their best behavior, but you know them. They’ll probably tackle Austin or Leif since they have so much pent-up energy.”

  Miranda laughed beside her. “Well, they can’t help it. They’re Montgomerys.”

  Truth. Despite her babies’ last name, they were Montgomerys through and through.

  If only Meghan felt as though she could still be one. She gulped more of her drink, draining it before she knew it.

  “Let me get you another one,” Maya said, snatching her glass away.

  Meghan licked the salt from her lips and shook her head. “One is enough.”

  “You’re staying the night tonight, Meghan. You can have more than one. Let yourself go for once and enjoy yourself. I’ll get you water and aspirin before bed so you don’t have a hangover in the morning when you pick up the kids.”

  “I thought I was the older sister,” Meghan said, her tongue a little heavy. How much tequila had Maya put in her drink? “Why are you taking care of me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

  Miranda laid her head on Meghan’s shoulder. “Maya is getting you drunk. I think that’s her job. My job is to cuddle and try to get you to tell me what’s going on with you and Luc.”

  Meghan snorted. “Honey, if you’re trying to be sly about it, telling me your plan isn’t the way to go about it.”

  “I’m not sly,” she countered. “I tried to be with Decker, and well…that turned out well. After, you know, he told me that I sucked at being sly.”

  Meghan wrapped her arm around her baby sister’s shoulder. “I’m not talking about me and Luc.”

  “So there is a you and Luc not to talk about. We need to talk about that.”

  Meghan closed her eyes, the tequila working its sweet way through her system.

  Must. Be. Stronger. Than. Tequila.

  Oh, honey, how many times have those words been said?

  “You don’t make any sense,” Meghan said softly, closing her eyes.

  “Hey! No sleeping. Drink. Then spill.” Maya thrust another drink in Meghan’s direction and grinned. “Well, don’t spill your drink. Spill the dirty details.”

  Meghan gulped another mouthful but didn’t speak. She didn’t know what was going on between her and Luc, and she didn’t think she could talk about it.

  She hadn’t talked about her relationship with Richard either, and look how well that turned out.

  Her fault.

  Once again.

  “Hey, you’re having a party and didn’t invite me?”

  Meghan opened her eyes to see Maya’s best friend—and possible hook-up—Jake, saunter into the room. He grinned at the three of them, that dark, bad-boy look of his too much to take on this much tequila.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” Maya snipped. “I told you this was a girls’ night. You can’t be here.”

  Jake just rolled his eyes at Maya’s temper then wrapped his arms around her waist before bringing her in for a kiss on the temple.

  Seriously, how could anyone not think the two of them were getting it on?

  Jake threw his head back and laughed before pulling away from Maya. “Meghan, darling, Maya is my best friend. Not my fuck buddy. You know that.”

  Oh, dear God. Had she said that out loud?

  Maya narrowed her eyes. “Yes. Yes, you did say that out loud. Jesus, Meghan. You’re not usually this much of a lightweight.”

  Meghan set her drink down and closed her eyes. “Don’t ask me any more questions until I eat something. For the love of God, have mercy on my soul.”

  Miranda gave out a loud snort next to her, and Meghan met Maya’s eyes before breaking out into laughter. Jake joined in, and soon all three had tears running down their cheeks.

  Miranda snorted herself away then looked around. “What? What happened?”

  That only caused them to laugh harder. Soon her side ached, and she had to pee.

  “Stop. Please stop it. I’m going to pee my pants.”

  “Go take care of yourself,” Jake said, his eyes dancing. “I’ll get you guys something to eat to soak up the booze. Seriously, Maya. You know not to liquor everyone up this early without having food out.”

  Maya just grinned, the alcohol not seeming to affect her like the rest of them. “I needed information from Meghan, and feeding her wasn’t going to get it out.”

  Jake shook his head. “I swear, Maya. One day your curiosity for every ounce of information about your family is going to lead you into trouble.” He met her gaze and frowned.

  For a moment, Meghan thought she saw something pass between them—some long-ago hurt or perhaps something quite new and fresh. Either way, it wasn’t her business, and she felt like an intruder. On shaky legs, she made her way to the bathroom, leaving the other three in the living room.

  When she came out after taking care of her business and splashing cold water on her face, Jake had set out chips and dip, veggies, and cold pizza. He bent down and slid a batch of pizza rolls into the oven.

  She shook her head then went over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She didn’t know him as well as she should have. He’d become closer to Maya when Meghan was married and locked away, but she knew he was a good man.

  “Thank you for taking care of us,” she whispered.

  Jake hugged her back before kissing the top of her head. “Anything you need, sweetness. I know it’s girls’ night, so I’ll be out of here shortly.”

  “No, you can’t leave,” Miranda said from the counter as she munched on veggies. “We need you to help us deal with Luc and Meghan.”

  Meghan pulled away from Jake and folded her arms over her chest. “There is no Luc and Meghan.”

  “But, Meghan—” Miranda began.

  “No. Stop it. He’s my friend. He helped me out when I needed him.” He kissed me until I almost came. “We’re not in a relationship. We’re not going to be. I don’t want you putting those thoughts into anyone’s head. Got it? I’m not going to fuck things up by thinking I can be with him.”

  She took a deep breath.

  “You could, you know, be with him,” Maya said.

  “No. No, I can’t. I’ll fuck it up, and we all know that.” Tears threatened again, and she cursed. “I’m done talking about this. We can talk about Decker or movies or whatever the fuck you want, but I’m not talking about Luc anymore. He’s not anyone more than a man I work with and a man I used to be best friends with.”

  “He’s more than that, Meghan, and you lying to yourself is only going to hurt those that matter.” Maya frowned, but Meghan didn’t want to hear it.

  She’d made up her mind. She couldn’t risk what she had with Luc—or at least the friendship she could have with him—by fancying delusions of something more.

  “Shut up. I’m done talking about this.”

  Jake sighed. “When you’re ready, I’m here if you need me.”

  “Me too,” Miranda and Maya said at the same time.

  She might not ever be ready to talk to them about anything. In fact, there wouldn’t be anything to talk about. If she pursued a relationship with Luc, if she allowed him to pursue her, he’d see her for what she was.

  Nothing.

  She’d been lacking with Richard, and Luc was so much more of a man than her ex could ever be.

  There couldn’t be a way she’d be enough for Luc. She couldn’t allow him to get closer. She wasn’t strong enough to watch him walk away this time because he saw the truth for what it really was.

  She couldn’t have Luc.

  Wouldn’t feel his lips against hers again.

  And one day, she’d be okay with that.

  Today, though, was not that day.

  ****

  Luc ran his hand over Griffin’s shelves and let out a low whistle. “Decker do these?” he
asked, recognizing the craftsmanship. In fact, something Decker made with his own hands stood in each of the Montgomery homes. Or at least would be soon.

  “Yep. He made those last year when he and Miranda were dating.” Griffin frowned. “Though I didn’t know it at the time.”

  “And you handled it so well at the time.”

  Luc rolled his eyes when Griffin flipped him off, then sat down on the couch in the office. He’d come by his friend’s house to talk about a few things Griffin needed if he was ever going to renovate. He put it that way since Griffin lived on a perpetual deadline. The writer tended to push things that didn’t have to do with work to the side. In reality, Luc had just come by to talk with his friend.

  Though now that he thought about it, guilt crept in.

  He hadn’t mentioned Meghan and wasn’t planning on it. He needed to solidify his relationship with her—make sure they even had a relationship to begin with—before he talked to any of her family members.

  Now he had a feeling he knew what Decker went through mentally whenever the big man had been around any of the Montgomerys.

  “I apologized for hitting Decker,” Griffin said calmly, though Luc saw the red flush on the man’s neck.

  “You fought it out. You drank a few beers. Saw a sports game. It’s even in the ways of men.”

  Griffin laughed, just as Luc wanted him to. Griffin had overreacted for sure when he found out Decker and Miranda were dating, but they were all past that.

  Luc rolled his shoulders, trying to keep his mind off Meghan and what they’d left unsaid. He could still remember the taste of her on his tongue, the feel of her in his arms.

  Fuck, he’d been dreaming of that since he was fifteen, it seemed. And yet the reality was so much better, so much more exquisite than anything he could have ever imagined.

  This wasn’t the girl he’d fallen in love with when he was too young to do anything about it. And when he was old enough, she’d found Richard. This was the woman he wanted to know better. He’d give her a little more time to come to terms with it, and then he’d be back, showing her that he could be perfect for her, be part of her life.

  Now, however, he needed to push those thoughts from his head. Getting a hard-on in front of the woman’s brother probably wasn’t the best way to go about things.

  Griffin gave him a strange look then ran his hands through his too-long hair. The man needed a damn haircut, but it wasn’t like he’d ever take time off to do it. Luc knew Maya sometimes showed up with scissors in hand when he refused to take care of himself. In fact, all three girls, and now Sierra, made it their goal to ensure Griffin ate right and slept. Marie Montgomery used to do it, but now she had a sick husband who needed her full attention.

  That reminded him. “How’s your dad doing?”

  Griffin sighed. “He just finished up another round of radiation. He went through chemo before, so after this last round, we’re off those treatments for a while, I hope. He got to keep his prostate since the tumor wasn’t as big as they thought, so he’ll still have function and all of that hopefully, but damn, I hate seeing him like this.”

  Luc let out a breath. “I know. I came back to Denver expecting the same big man I grew up with and saw a shadow. If this is his last radiation though, that means he can hopefully start to gain some weight back.”

  Griffin nodded. “Yeah, that’s the goal. We’re taking turns making sure Mom and Dad are eating right and not wearing themselves down.” He frowned. “Well, everyone but Alex, but getting him to do anything these days is like pulling teeth.”

  “What the fuck is up with your brother, Griff?” Luc knew Alex drank too much and had shut himself off after the divorce, though, really, he’d started doing so before the divorce.

  “Hell if I know. He’s not listening to us. Not letting us help. Fuck.” He stood up and started to pace. “Just when one thing starts to go right in this family, two more things go to shit.”

  He knew Griff thought of Meghan and Richard in addition to everything else, but Luc wasn’t going to bring her up. Not yet.

  “You’ll all figure it out. The Montgomerys are fucking strong. Just remember that.”

  Griffin gave him a sad smile. “I don’t know if we’re strong enough for everything, Luc.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t think like that. If you set yourself up for failure, that’s all you’ll get.” He checked his watch and cursed. “And I took up over an hour of your deadline time. Sorry about that. I need to get back to the house anyway and work up some plans for the project house.”

  Griffin and Luc said their goodbyes, and Luc headed back to his house, his mind going in a thousand different directions, but all of them led back to one person.

  Meghan.

  He wanted her. Needed her. Craved her.

  He hadn’t made a mistake the night before by kissing her and confessing his feelings. He hadn’t. Like he’d told Griffin, if he thought about it negatively, then that’s how it would come out. He just needed to think positive.

  When he pulled up into his driveway, he had a feeling he would need all the positivity he could get.

  “Meghan,” he said softly when he got out of his truck. “What are you doing sitting on my porch? It’s getting colder out here. Don’t want you to freeze.”

  She stared up at him, blinking slowly. He forced himself not to reach out and pull her close. It wasn’t time, not yet.

  “Meghan?”

  “I…I wasn’t waiting here all that long. The kids are at Austin and Sierra’s for a couple more hours. I’d been working at home but knew I needed to get this off my chest before I could do anything else.”

  Fuck, that didn’t sound good.

  “Let’s go inside,” he said gruffly. “Standing out here and letting the fall chill hit us isn’t the best idea.”

  “Luc…I can’t go inside.”

  He shook his head, one hand on the doorknob. “Meghan, standing out here isn’t going to accomplish anything. You know that.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “You can’t bully me into coming inside, Luc.”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don’t compare me to him. Don’t start doing that. Just come inside.”

  “I…I should go.”

  “No, you’re going to come inside and tell me why you were sitting on my porch. I kissed you last night, Meghan. Kissed you more than once and told you I wanted you. You don’t get to run away because you’re afraid of how I’ll react to what you say.”

  She shook her head but followed him inside anyway.

  “I’m more afraid of how I’ll react.”

  He faced her, still not touching her. He knew his limits. “What do you mean?”

  “We can’t be together, Luc. We’re just now becoming friends again, and I don’t want to lose that.”

  He knew she’d say something like this, but it still hurt like a hit to the solar plexus. “Why do you think being with me will make you lose anything? Won’t it be gaining something? Something more?”

  She shook her head, her hands firmly clasped in front of her. “It won’t work out, Luc. You know that.”

  “What the hell, Meghan? You’re giving up on us before we have a chance?” He didn’t yell, knew better than to, but she still paled.

  Damn it, that bastard had sure done a number on her. Knowing if he didn’t make a move he’d lose her forever, he stepped forward and cupped her face.

  “Meghan, sugar, you’re everything. Don’t you get that? Being with me, taking a chance, that’s worth something. Letting me be with you is worth so much more.”

  She looked up at him, her face cradled in his hands, and his heart beat hard against his chest. “You just came back,” she whispered. “When you go again, when you leave because you truly see what I am, I don’t know if I could take it.”

  He shook his head then lowered his lips. He brushed his against hers softly before pulling away. “Darling, stop thinking like that. You won’t ruin this. You won’t push m
e away. I won’t let you. I’ll let you be Meghan. You’ll let me be Luc. Together, we can find out who we are when we travel that path.”

  “This is a huge step, Luc. We can’t just jump in headfirst.”

  “Can’t we?” he whispered. At her look, he sighed. “We won’t jump. We won’t even run. We’ll walk steadily. But, Meghan, I want you. Don’t you want me, too?”

  She licked her lips, and his gaze followed the movement. “I can’t.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  “I want you,” she said, so softly he could barely hear her.

  His body relaxed, even as his cock hardened at the words. “Then want me. Have me. We won’t rush. We can still be with one another.”

  She shook her head. “I already hurt my kids by having Richard leave. I can’t hurt them again, Luc. It’s not just me anymore.”

  He knew it would take a lot of work to make her think of herself as not a failure when it came to Richard. He wanted to kick the bastard’s ass, but this was not the time.

  “Stop it, sugar. Just breathe and be you. That’s all you need to do. You didn’t push him away, Meghan.”

  She opened her mouth, but he shook his head once again.

  “I’m sorry. We’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to push you, but I don’t want you to give up on us before we’ve even had a chance because you’re afraid. What happened in the past is a completely different situation.”

  “If we do this, then we’re risking everything, Luc. Are you sure I’m worth that?”

  She was worth more than that, but he didn’t want to scare her away.

  “Of course,” he said simply, then kissed her. Her mouth parted under his, and he brushed his tongue along hers. When he pulled away, his body craved more, but he knew he could only have a sample.

  “What are we doing?” she asked. “I came over here to push you away, and suddenly I’m kissing you. How strong does that make me, huh?”